Column 3: Hidden Competing Commitments
a. Look at Column 2 items. Imagine doing the opposite and how it might upset you and how you’d feel. What might you not like…or what might you have said “yuck” to?
b. Get to a place that seems unsettling, even dangerous to you.
c. Often people go initially only to a surface level (I am bored or impatient) but not to a deeper, more gut wrenching, raw level (I feel dismissed and irrelevant, or I feel like my kids will screw up).
d. Put the raw feelings/raw material in your “worry box”— a kind of holding tank.
e. Next, generate competing commitments.
i. Competing commitments protect us from our fears and anxieties. They are our commitment to self-protection.
f. Signs of a good third column
i. We become captives of a mental system that protects us…an effective immune system.
ii. Each commitment makes Column 2 behaviors more understandable.
iii. Trying simply to eliminate Column 2 behaviors is fruitless because they serve a powerful purpose—self-protection.
iv. You feel stuck—like moving in two opposite directions.