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Friday, March 22, 2013

Love 2.0: Post#4--Spreading Love

Spreading Love: Positive, love-induced mindsets make us more open and aware, whereas a negative mindset shuts down input. Experimenting with pleasant background music, subjects opened up more to information around them than those who did not listen to music. Also, when threatened, self-absorbed people get more extreme in their self-absorption and unresponsive to others.  In short, threats narrow our potential, and rewards (love) open us up to the possibilities. The nonverbal fingerprints of love:  1.)  How often you smile at each other; 2) frequent open hand gestures (open palm); 3) How often you lean toward each other; 4.) How often you affirm by nodding your head. The four fingerprints again: Smiles, Gestures, Leans and Nods. When you use these nonverbals, people “love” you more—family, friends, coworkers, anyone you interact with. Synchronized gestures, like crowds at a football game chanting or cheering, create group or “mass positive resonance.” Celebrating a friend’s, coworker’s, or loved one’s success builds resonance between you and them. Even how you say “thank you” matters. Thanking someone for a gift helps foster a relationship but not nearly as much as when you thank them for their generosity or thoughtfulness—the quality behind the gift. The effects are powerful and lasting. And how we argue determines a relationship’s health. John Gottman’s marriage research is legendary. Healthy couples have higher ratios of positive interactions and when conflict occurs, they don’t mirror the anger of their partner; rather, they offer a caring, affirming or even light-hearted gesture to allow a safe place to work out the problem. Moreover, even small daily gestures accumulate in the “Love Bank.” According to Frederickson, a lack of positive resonance in your life is in fact far more damaging to your health than smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol excessively, or being obese.

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