This is the third of several posts this week based on my review of the book Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott (The Penguin Group 2002)—available on Amazon. I highly recommend this book for solving problems and building deeper relationships—in both your personal and professional lives.
Interaction: This is the time where you LISTEN a lot. It’s actually the guts of the conversation (and takes the most time if done right), where you listen and inquire as the person begins to respond and talk based on your invitation to resolve the issue. You must LEARN in this phase and the only way to learn is to interrogate and LISTEN.
a. Inquire into your partner’s views. It’s hard, but you need to LISTEN and PROBE….talking will interrupt the valuable flow of information you will need to eventually construct resolution. By ONLY asking What, How, Who questions, you can keep the conversation alive…and keep the other person talking and you LISTENING. Examples: “What does it look like when you say I talk too much? How can we approach the problem so we both get what we want?”
b. You should also paraphrase, so the person knows that you understand…not judging. “So, I’m hearing you say that you’re hurt by my response to the way I’ve been treated, is that right?” Am I hearing that correctly? “