The Three Laws of Performance: How to clear away the "clutter"

Law #2: How a situation occurs arises in language.

B. The good news about vicious cycles: it only takes one person in any relationship (YOU) to stop this cycle. You can turn around the complaint and get rid of the behavior, the payoff, and the cost. The trick comes in saying the “unsaid and communicated without awareness.” The authors discuss how when you’re enmeshed in this negative “racket” cycle, it takes up all the oxygen and bandwidth in the room, to the point where there’s no bandwidth left for ….joy, fun, or doing the kind of creative work you love.

i. The authors liken it to a cluttered closet or desk. When you want to start a new project on your desk, the best thing is to first “unclutter” your desk—clean up the mess and start afresh.

ii. This is done by having a conversation with the person, with whom you have an issue, to clear the decks. It’s not an accusatory conversation…more like a fierce conversation (see review on this blog of the book, Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott) about how you feel and about how to best move forward—with a common vision. In some cases, it might be an apology or trying to get the real facts about what’s going on. This is not easy, but if you stay in the vicious cycle, your future may be filled with finger pointing, innuendo, or worse. You’ll be living in a “default future” whose story ending you might not like—at all.