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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Move from a Persuasion to Learning Conversation

This is the second of a series of posts based on my review of the book, Difficult Conversations (By Stone, Patton and Heen, Penguin Books, 2000)

Move from a Persuasion to Learning Conversation

a. If we ever want to get to a level of understanding in an argument, we have to recognize that we have a valid story and the other person also has a valid story.

b. Neither story is right or wrong…they’re merely stories with a particular point of view. Here’s an example: A husband and wife want to buy a house She wants to buy a 4-bedroom colonial, and he wants to buy a three bedroom ranch-style. They clash over the purchase and start calling each other names…shortsighted, stubborn, etc. It devolves into a stalemate and creates ill will. There’s a better way.

c. When we share our stories…facts and feelings, the other person begins to understand our position better. S/he allows information in and does not reject it at the door.

d. This book explores the "Three Conversations" to help us through such dilemmas.We'll explore these three conversations over the next few days.

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